If you know me personally, you know I love to hug. Give hugs, get hugs, hugs for happiness, hugs for comfort – bring in on. I have even turned some friends into huggers that were not in the past (their words, not mine). So the super hug of course is the one from Nadia. For that sweet little child to get so excited and snuggle up to me or Mike….whoa, sometimes it takes my breath away. Nadia even gives the “drive by hug”….she is playing, looks over at you, crawls over, gives a little hug and goes back to playing. I of course want her to stay in my lap after that spontaneous show of affection. If she could talk, would she say, “No mom, I don’t want to sit on your lap and let you smother me, I just wanted to say Hi and now I am going back to playing.” Who knows, but it’s the best!
Most of you know that my part time job is running a mentorship program for at risk elementary kids called KIDS HOPE USA through my church. Most everything is done from home by email and phone, but I do go up to the school every week to mentor the child I am matched with and to grab my copies of paperwork from the school. As of last week, this year’s program was up and running full steam ahead. All the children’s permission slips had been returned, the mentors were matched and the last of the children had met their new mentors. What a relief! We have doubled the size of our program this year thanks to more volunteers from the church signing up and it’s totally awesome.
At the beginning of the school year I meet the new mentors at the school and take them to get the child out of class the first day. I introduce myself to the child and tell them about their new mentor and that they are going to be their friend who will come see them every week to help with homework and stuff. Then I ask the child to show the mentor around the school and tell them both to have fun. As I cruise through the school each week I get many waves from the kids in the program. Last year as the school year went by I started getting hugs from all these kids. Why do I get the hugs? I only mentor one child – not all of them.
I realized last year that I get hugs from all these kids because they associate me with their special “friend” who comes to see them each week. I am the one who introduced them to this caring adult who has come to mean so much to them. I joked with Mike last year that I was really popular with 7 year olds. But the reality of these kids lives is serious. To give a hug is a big deal for many of these kids. They are in the program for a variety of reasons. Some academic, most because of their home life. Some don’t have dads, some don’t have parents at all. Some have seen more violence in their short lives that would make most adults heads spin around. Some have never felt that someone REALLY cares about them or that they have any meaning in this world.
When I put the mentors through training I make it very clear to them that they are NEVER supposed to touch the child -even a pat on the back – without the child initiating it first. Some of these kids have been through abuse and touching is scary, so we let them decide. Some children will hug a mentor right away, but for many, it takes weeks of the mentor showing up for them to believe that this adult really cares about them. There was a little boy in the program last year who didn’t crack a smile for months that I ever saw. I would wave to him every time I saw him and he would wave back, always with that stoic little look on his face. As the year progressed with his mentor, he started to do better in school, get in less fights and smile. It was the most beautiful thing. Then one day I came to the school and went out on the playground that child saw me and came running towards me – full speed ahead – and gave me a giant bear hug and ran back to the basketball game he was part of. The child didn’t say a word, but he didn’t have too. His whole personality had changed because one adult decided to make a difference in his life. Now the child wanted to give hugs and smile and had a little joy in his world – instead of fear and anger.
So as I think about these kids of course I think about Nadia and I think about hugs and what they mean. I think that it’s a wonderful thing that Nadia will never have to live in fear in her home. Rather she will always know that her home is a safe haven with mom and dad. That she will never feel like we are not paying attention to her or that we think she is a burden. She will know that she matters to us, that we care for her well being. She will never have to be one of the children who needs a mentor. She will always know that we are here for hugs.